Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize