just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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