dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We left the knife in your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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