Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
