Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The power of my boobs compel you
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
