I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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