you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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