But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So vagazzling was a success
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
