Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
never play flip cup with pint glasses
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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