we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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