What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
