So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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