im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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