Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
