you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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