No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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