He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
