i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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