I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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