Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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