john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
