He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
