We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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