He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
