I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
