Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
