Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
