I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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