If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
