i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
