after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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