I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
