dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just forgot I was standing up.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
