My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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