I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
