On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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