He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
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I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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