Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
