I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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