her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize