Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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