I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize