I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I have post one night stand depression
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
