Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
