pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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