Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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