Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize