At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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