I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
