so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
