I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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