Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
