she was so not down for the gang bang
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
