you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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