Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
