Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
