i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
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His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
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My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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