You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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