It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
