I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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